Good clothes open all doors - Эссе C2

[karina_mia]

By Ildar

People have various attitude to clothing. Some are indifferent; they think the main function of clothes is the protection from weather conditions and thus do not care about style or taste. Others disagree; they believe good appearance is the key to success.

In my opinion, good clothes indeed open all doors. To begin with, a positive first impression mostly depends on clothing; it means the better a person is dressed, the more attention he or she is going to draw. Furthermore, taking care for appearance helps become successful and increase one’s status. Finally, people who wear stylish and elegant clothes are mostly very creative and smart.

On the other hand, some people think that the importance of clothes is too exaggerated. In their mind, clothes should not draw so much attention because the main purpose of clothing is the insulation against cold or hot conditions

I cannot agree with these people. Apart from protecting from weather conditions clothes reveal one’s individual and occupation features. Taking care for appearance is a must for everybody who wants to be successful and determined.

To sum up, I would say what people wear says too much about them. Perhaps we should not be dressed according to latest fashion, but neglecting attitude to appearance will not help gain success.

[English Guru]

reveal one’s individual and occupation features

красивее будет взять два прилагательных reveal one’s individual and occupational features

Taking care for

to take care of - запоминаем

according to latest fashion

the latest - превосходная степень

[Jaur]

Не уверен в аргументации. Не соглашаться оказалось гораздо сложнее.

There are a lot of people who think that saying “good clothes open all doors” is still reasonable and correct. I disagree with that.

To begin with, I would like to say that this statement contradicts with modern society’s rules and customs. Of course the saying is not only about clothes, because when it came up in 17-19 centuries your look could tell about your origin: one could tell a merchant from a noble and a peasant. Back then it was very important, but not nowadays, because we all are equal. Also we should consider some accidents which could happen with all of us. A person won’t be rejected by paramedics only because he or she was in a car crash and teared up all of your clothes.

On the other hand we have old fashioned people who still consider that you won’t be able to visit a night club wearing a bad suit for example. Although guards can reject a person to enter the club, because you are dressed like a homeless man, they will let them through with the first sight of a platinum credit card or invitation.

To sum up, I would like to say that not clothes but a person wearing them opens all doors for themselves.

[Amy]

Здравствуйте, не могли бы проверить и дать оценку эссе?
Almost everyone of us wants to look well. There are many people who think that clothes are most important in life and will bring them success. Modern shops, advertisings and bright posters give us a big selection and we do it. Is it right or not?
From my point of view, the clothes and success or something else are not bound with each other. Firstly, all depends from a person and his perseverance and diligence. Secondly, if someone look for a job is not necessary that an employer will choose that a person who look more good than another. It is a big foolish. Finally, the people have not to rely only on their clothes and think that it decides everything.
On the other hand, it is always more pleasantly to communicate with a neat person than with a slovenly and we all want that our friends looked good. Moreover, people got used to look primarily on the outfit and make conclusions for themselves.
Nevertheless, i do not agree with this opinion completely because first of view are not always correct. Understanding the another person come not immediately.
To sum it up, we must find the golden mean and be pleasant, clever and neat. It should be remembered that a good dress is a card of invitation, a good mind is a letter of recommendation.

[English Guru]

and we do it

Не понял... и мы делаем выбор? К чему относится слово it? МБ and we make it тогда?

his perseverance

his or her perseverance - указываем оба пола

if someone look for a job is not necessary

if someone looks ... it is not necessary

will choose that a person

Указательное местоимение подменяет артикль, он тут лишний.

who look more good than another.

who looks
better

It is a big foolish

foolish - прилагательное (да еще и низкий стиль), а у Вас напрашивается существительное. Возьмите delusion или misconception (заблуждение)

the people have not to rely only on

people do not have to rely only on

it is always more pleasantly

pleasant - требуется прилагательное, а pleasantly - наречие.

and we all want that our friends looked good.

and we all want our friends to look good - complex object

people got used to look primarily

got used to looking

to look primarily on the outfit

look at

first of view are not always correct

Не понял (препятствует пониманию текста)

the another person

the other person

Understanding the another person come not immediately.

comes

It should be remembered that a good dress is a card of invitation, a good mind is a letter of recommendation.

Но такие цитаты Вы можете легко найти в Интернете, но на экзамене Интернета не будет...

K1 (решение коммуникативной задачи): 2
K2 (организация текста): 3
K3 (лексика): 2
K4 (грамматика): 0
K5 (орфография и пунктуация): 2

ИТОГО: 9/14

Не забудьте нажать на кнопочки за нашу бескорыстную помощь! Вы реально поможете форуму.



Amy, рекомендации для Вас http://englishgu.ru/online-uchebnik-po-angliyskomu/:
§ 03, 04, 11, 15, 22

[English Guru]

Jaur, теперь Ваше.

Во-первых, почему 4 абзаца? У Вас нет опровержения контраргумента: http://englishgu.ru/struktura-opinion-essay-ege-c2/

who think that saying

the saying

only about clothes, because when it came up

Запятая перед because не ставится (несколько раз у Вас)

your look could

лучше не обращаться к читателю напрямую (много раз), пишите a person's look, one's look

Also we should consider

Вместо also - Moreover, / Furthermore,

On the other hand we have

Требуется запятая после вводной конструкции On the other hand,

K1 (решение коммуникативной задачи): 1
K2 (организация текста): 2
K3 (лексика): 3
K4 (грамматика): 3
K5 (орфография и пунктуация): 1

ИТОГО: 10/14

Jaur, аргументация неплохая, пишите эссе чётко по структуре.

[Amy]

English Guru, большущее Вам спасибо)

[КристинаК]

Добрый день! проверьте, пожалуйста, мое эссе.

Nowadays a lot of people like good and exclusive clothes. Some of them believe, that nice dress, jeans, coat or something else can help them to be more successful. At the same time there are those, who believe than their appearance is not important. Let us consider what advantages and disadvantages of these opinions are.

To my mind, a good looking person is more self-confident. First of all, a well-dressed man or woman are able to talk to other people free, because they have not think about how they look. Secondly, good clothes are comfortable. Therefore, a person wearing them does not worry about his or her health. So, they may take care of more important and interesting things.

However, many people believe, that there are other valuable things, which can influence on your business and success. For example, everyone has own internals. If a person is strong, clever and knows what he or she wants, he or she is able to move up the world. In this case, good and expensive clothes are not important.

Despite of the fact that there are different points of view about value of clothes in the business, I believe that they can help people to achieve a lot in life.And the most reason for it is that well-dressed persons feel free.

In conclusion, I want to say that we need not only clothes to open all doors. We should not forget, that it is necessary to develop our internals.

[Kovalis]

Once the first label such as Adidas or Gucci has shown up on a piece of clothes, the mankind keep on arguing whether good clothes are what is called a must-have or, on the contrary, they are of no use and, moreover, what clothes are good enough and what are not and, finally, in what cases some clothes seem to be good and other ones do not. Let us look at the question from different viewpoints.

In my view, it is more vital to be properly dressed having in mind the place a person heads for, the people he/she communicates with and the purpose. For example, an appointment or a job interview requires business style, while a date can bring an idea of something flirting to a person’s mind. It means the right sort of clothes and, therefore, good clothes. From all of the above it comes that a person’s insight into the way to be dressed is what has weight and not clothes he/she wears.

However, some people claim that good clothes are crucially important on one’s way up the stairs towards better life and even that every “booby” is welcomed if he/she is well-dressed just because good clothes open all doors.

I strongly disagree with this view because whatever opponents to my viewpoint can state I would say that a positive impression that a well-dressed person makes on people can disappear like smoke in the air if that person turns out to be rude, unintelligent, arrogant or simply untidy.

[English Guru]

КристинаК, начнём!

Some of them believe, that nice dress

Запятая перед that не нужна

At the same time there are those, who

Запятая перед who не нужна

a well-dressed man or woman are

is

to talk to other people free

talk freely / easily

people free, because they have

Запятая перед because не нужна

because they have not think about how they look.

do not have to think / do not think

can influence on your business

can influence your business - без предлога

everyone has own internals.

their own

And the most reason

the main reason

We should not forget, that it is necessary to develop our internals.

Лишняя запятая перед that.
И что такое develop internals?

-1 балл за пунктуацию
-1 балл за грамматику
-1 балл за лексику

11/14 Мне эссе понравилось!

Добавлено спустя 10 минут 51 секунду:
Kovalis, теперь Ваша работа.
придерживайтесь структуры 5 абзацев: /viewtopic.php?f=17&t=433

the mankind keep on arguing

keeps, mankind - неисчисляемое
http://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/mankind

important on

important for

every “booby”

избегайте разговорных слов, не тот стиль

Kovalis, а вы точно абитуриент?)) У Вас высокий словарный запас и навороченные сложные предложения!))

Поставлю максималку, если учтёте формат 5 абзацев!

[Kovalis]

English Guru, спасибо! Нет, я просто хорошо знаю английский :-) Но комментарии Ваши мне были очень интересны и важны. Еще раз спасибо!

[КристинаК]

English Guru, спасибо за разбор! вижу, невнимательна была по большей части. кстати, про internals. я находила следующий перевод этого слова: "внутренний". хотела написать "внутренние качества", и (опять же, по невнимательности), забыла слово написать, да еще и окончание добавила :) еще раз спасибо за разбор, всю учту ;)

[Movshanya]

Our grandparents say their way of life was much more secure. However, young people have more life opportunities nowadays.

There is no doubt that the present way of life differs from the one that people had in the past. However, while young people appreciate the advantages og the modern lifestyle, it is criticized byolder people.

In my opinion, nowadays young people are offered many more life opportunities than in the past. To begin with, due technological progress teenagers can travel all around the world and expand their outlook. In addition, the Internet allows talented people to show their achievements and to find a good job in ane part of the world. What is more, new technology has made our eveday lives more easier ,therefore, we can spend more tine on our education and leisure activities.

However, modern life is full of dangers. Thousands of people are infected with incureable diseases every day. Moreover, people suffer from the extinction of rare animals and plants, pollution, violence which exists in the modern world.

But i can't agree with this opinion. Firstly, nowadays teenagers are aware of the bad effects of drug addiction and take care of their health. Secondly, people have techonologies to protect our life from possible problem: we can controll pollution, recycle waste materials, have animal sanctuaries that help people save endangered species. As for violence, crime has always exsisted in the world but today we have better ways of protection.

To sum it up, modern life has its advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, it gives us more life opportunities. On the other hand, it is rather dangerous and is full of problems. Anyway, i prefer excitement of the present.