Эссе С2: living in the country or in the city

[Bylka]

Утверждение видела в интернете и не переписала, но там была проблемная ситуация: где лучше жить, в деревне или в городе.

Many people are in favour of idea that living in the town is not better than in the country. However, other people are convinced that living in the country has some disadventages.
I would like to explain my point of view on this situation. I think that living in the country is less convinient. There are many things to be said in favour of this idea. First of all, if you live in the town, you can easily get to any place. It does not take much time to get to school or work. Secondly, if you live in the town, you have a varity places to visit, such as cinemas, theatres, museums, parks, zoos and cafes.
On the other hand, some people claim that living in the town is not better than in the country. They believe that town is noisy and dangerous place because of people always run around and cars drive so quickly. Moreover, they say that if you live in the town, you will not have enough rest. You will live in hustle and bustle. I disagree with this point of view, because living in a city gives you more chances and possibilities for successful life.
Taking everything into account, I can say that everybody chooses where he/she wants to live, and I think it is very questionable situation.

Проверьте, пожалуйста, и скажите, соответствует ли сочинение структуре?
Словарный запас соответствует одиннадцатому классу? и что нужно еще подтянуть?

[English Guru]

Many people are in favour of idea that living

the idea, требуется артикль, потому что дальше идет уточнение о том, какая идея.

living in the town

living in a town - нужен неопределенный артикль

disadventages.

disadvantages

a varity places

a variety of places

theatres, museums, parks, zoos and cafes

zoos, and cafes - запятая перед and при перечислении

They believe that town is

a town

They believe that town is noisy and dangerous place

a noisy and dangerous place

noisy and dangerous place because of people always run around and cars drive so quickly.

Неправильная связка: различайте употребление because и because of.
... because of people and cars НО
... because people always run around and cars drive so quickly.

you will not have enough rest

You will live in hustle

Обращение к читателю на you допустимо и приветствуется в письме, но в эссе пишем только a person, people, he or she, they

I disagree with this point of view, because living

Запятая перед because не ставится

where he/she

Нет, пишем именно так: he or she

it is very questionable situation.

a very questionable situation, а, вообще, запомните прилагательное controversial

-1 балл за решение коммуникативной задачи
-2 балла за грамматику (артикли)
-1 балл за орфографию и пунктуацию

ИТОГ: 10/14

Хорошее эссе, поработайте над стилем, не обращайтесь к читателю you, следите за запятыми и артиклями!