Форум для изучающих английский язык

**Алтана** » 26.02.2015, 19:06

Эссе на тему: Many teenagers enjoy playing computer games.Some people,however,believe that teenagers should spend their free time doing more physical activities.

Nowadays there are many entertainment things in the world.The most popular is playing computer games and most of players are teenagers.So some people assume that such pastime is not useful and much better do sport,whereas others think it is not.

In my opinion,playing computer games teenagers just spend plenty of time without avail.Instead of playing youth could get outside and do something really usefull,for example to help mother with housework or read books.Computer games is not only enemy to time but also to health.Usually teenagers sit at a computer for half a day and it is big threat to eyesight.Much better to exercise at gym or outdoors than keep the house playing games.

However,a number of people argue that playing video games is good.When youth plays computer game it gives his brain a real workout.In many video games, the skills required to win involve abstract and high level thinking.These skills are not even taught at school.Also they claim that such pastime can make youth more creative.

It might be true but I believe there are many other affairs which can increase efficiency of the brain and improve their creativity.So it will not badly affect studying.

In conclusion,I am strongly convinced that computer games is waste of time.However,there are many advantages in favour of them.

**English Guru** » 26.02.2015, 23:48

Алтана писал(а):such pastime is not useful and much better do sport

it is much better to do sports

Алтана писал(а):that such pastime is not useful and much better do sport,whereas others think it is not.

whereas others think it is. Вы же хотите противопоставление показать?

Алтана писал(а):spend plenty of time without avail.

Звучит неестественно, используйте waste plenty of time.

Алтана писал(а):usefull

useful

Алтана писал(а):enemy to time

enemy of

Алтана писал(а):Computer games is not only enemy to time but also to health.

Computer games are not only the enemy of time but also of health.

Алтана писал(а):it is big threat

a big threat - любое исчисляемое неабстрактное существительное должно иметь артикль
Замените слово big

Алтана писал(а):Much better to exercise

It is much better to exercise - в английском языке обязательно должно быть подлежащее и сказуемое

Алтана писал(а):to exercise at gym

at a gym

Алтана писал(а):keep the house playing games

Лексическая ошибка, замените например на: keep playing games at home.

Алтана писал(а):it gives his brain

their brain или his or her brain

Алтана писал(а):In many video games, the skills

Лишняя запятая

Алтана писал(а):It might be true but I believe there

Поставьте запятую перед but

Алтана писал(а):can increase efficiency of the brain and improve their creativity.

their - это кого, их? Либо its (мозга), либо вообще убираем слово their

Алтана писал(а):will not badly affect studying.

Не очень естественно: will not affect the studies badly.

Алтана писал(а):computer games is waste of time

computer games are a waste of time

Коэффициенты:

К1 (решение коммуникативной задачи): 3
К2 (организация текста): 2
К3 (лексика): 1
K4 (грамматика): 1
К5 (орфография и пунктуация): 1

ИТОГ: 9/14

Нормальная работа, чтобы улучшить свой результат, Вам необходимо использовать больше сложных связок (moreover, furthermore): /viewtopic.php?f=8&t=433 , запомнить информацию про артикль выше, а также работать над лексикой: /viewtopic.php?f=16&t=72

:dance:

Не забудьте нажать на кнопочки за нашу бескорыстную помощь! Вы реально поможете форуму. :beer:

Форум для изучающих английский язык

Главное меню:

Many teenagers enjoy playing computer games