The most important thing in life is work

[tanya g.l]

Work is an activity that involves efforts. Most people do their best to be able to work. For example, studying, getting education. Is work the most important thing in life? Can we live without work?
In my opinion, work is the best way to earn money. People use money for buying clothes and food. We are able to pay for a house or a car with money. Moreover, work helps to achieve our main life goals and make our dreams come true. It is a good opportunity to become an active member of society. I suppose people improve their talents, abilities to think, solve problems fast while working.
However, there are many other treasures in life. I believe it is more necessary to spend enough time with family. Family is the most valuable thing. Relatives always support us, do not let us down. Besides, when a person works day and night, pay all his attention to work, he stops enjoying life. He does not notice beautiful nature, a kind smile on people's face...
I cannot agree with this statement. Of course, family is important. There is no doubt we should learn to enjoy life more, but we cannot live without work. People can make our society better while working because working means a progress.
In conclusion, I would like to say work is essential thing. Even if it makes our life better, we should not forget about life delights.

[English Guru]

I suppose people improve

Требуется запятая после I suppose,

when a person works day and night, pay all his attention to

pays

he stops enjoying life

his attention

his or her attention

because working means a progress.

Лучше без артикля

work is essential thing.

an essential thing

14/14 Довольно чистенько, всё красиво.

[cheglusha]

Привет, я в первый раз здесь,если можно,то судите очень строго, буду благодарна любой критике.
.....
Nowadays people spend all their time working. Some of them consider that work is an essential part of their life, without it they feel themselves lost.Others believe there are lots of another different aims in life.
From my point of view, everybody should have deal of their life and work suits for this completely. Firstly, job gives people money in order to bring up their children, get an education, buy clothes and food. Secondly, if people build their career they will develop their skills, talants. They have a chance to realise all their wishes.Finally, sometimes people have not a family, friends or somebody who waits for them at home and in this case the importance of work is evident.
In spite of these facts, it is believed that family is more crucial than career.Person will not feel happy with his or her job without support, love and understanding of his or her close relatives.Moreover, people can not only work all their lives, they have many hobbies, which they set to make progress in such as travelling, reading, doing sports.
Undoubtedly, family and hobbies have a big impact on people, but without money, which people get from their job, they can not provide for their family and can not spend their time to travel.
In conclusion, though career is the most important thing in life, people should not forget about their family and try to do everything in order to develop all their capabilities.

[English Guru]

they feel themselves lost.

feel lost

re lots of another different aims

other different aims

everybody should have deal of their life

неудачная фраза, перефразируйте

get an education

без артикля, замените глагол get на другой для соблюдения стиля

sometimes people have not a family,

have no family

Person will not feel happy

A person

an not spend their time to travel.

travelling

In conclusion, though career is the most important thing in life, people should not forget about their family and try to do everything in order to develop all their capabilities.

Заключение противоречит Вашему мнению во 2 абзаце, то является грубой ошибкой. В эссе требуется более жесткая позиция.

Быстрая оценка: 9 баллов из 14

Повторите:
правило other / another

[Катя Новикова]

Nowadays, the most discussed problem is place of work. Some people think that work is really necessary thing, while others believe that it is only a way to get money. So , who is right?
To begin with, work should not be the most significant thang for people. First of all, there are a lot of moral values in our modern world, such as family, friends, relatives. I suppose that they should take the most considerable place in human life because they can always help and support you in the different situations . Moreover, if people start to think only about work, their life will become a really boring routine.
Nevertheless, others may think differently. In their opinion, job is the most important part of each person because only by working you can earn some money to live.
As for me, I am no sure that it is true. Today, person has a million capabilities of making our lives better. For example ,you can begin to engage in charity, and help both the animals and the children. Consequently, you will make better not only their lives but also your life, so work should not be the most significant.
In conclusion, I would like to stress that work is really important thing in twenty first century but we must not forget about the important spiritual values which surround us.

[English Guru]

is place of work

the place of work

is really necessary thing

a really necessary thing

thang

thing

I am no sure that

not

Today, person has a million capabilities

a person

-1 балл за грамматику

13/14 - хорошая работа

[lejuliz]

Someday every person determines the most important thing in his or her life. Some people think that work is the most valuable thing in human existence. Others believe that there are many other things in life which much more important than career such as love and family.
I agree with the point of view that work is not the most invaluable thing that people have. Firstly, when a person works day and night, pays all attention to work, he or she stops enjoying life and does not notice beautiful nature, a kind smile on people's face. Moreover, if people start to think only about work, their life will become a really boring routine.
Nevertheless, some people claim that career is more important and essential than family, love and so on. They explain it by the fact that work helps to achieve our main life goals and make our dreams come true. It is a good opportunity to become an active member of society.
However, I cannot agree with this point of view because people who are spending whole life at work have not a family, friends or somebody who waits for them at home. It makes life meaningless.
In conclusion, I would like to say that in modern world the family and career are both important. That is why we need to keep family relationship and career in harmony. Life balance is the key to happiness.

[English Guru]

I agree with the point of view that work is not the most invaluable thing that people have.

Лучше выразить свою точку зрения прозрачнее и понятнее. I agree with the point of view that work is not the most valuable thing that people have.

which much more important

which are much more important

on people's face.

лучше on people's faces.

have not a family, friends or somebody who waits for them at home.

have no family, friends or anybody who waits for them at home.

in modern world

in the modern world

the family and career

раньше вы использовали это слово без артикля - так и продолжайте

12/14 - очень хорошо